May 6, 2011

Mother's Day, It's Bittersweet

Mother's day is a bittersweet for me.  I love that I get to enjoy handmade trinkets, crayon drawn art and hugs from my kids. But mostly though, Mother's Day just reminds me the my own mother is gone.

I am a motherless mother.

This year is particularly hard for me because my twins are 9.  I was 9 when my mom died and the thought of them being motherless at this age is unfathomable.  The thought of me being motherless at 9 is unfathomable.  Yet, 28 years later, I'm here and I'm ok.   

I've stumbled, ungracefully, into my own.  I managed to learn how to make Ramen, floss, and do my own laundry.  I navigated through boy issues and mean friends.  I found my faith and I became a mother myself.  I'm proud of myself for becoming me but I often wonder how different I'd be if she was helping me along the way.  I wonder what she would have said when I had my first kiss, or came home engaged.   Or moved to a far away state.  Mostly I wonder what kind of grandma she'd be to my three girls.  

I'm jealous of women who have great relationships with their mothers and I'm sorrowful for those that are bitter, rude, and unappreciative to theirs.

I said mothers day was bittersweet.  The sweet part is in being a mother myself.  I'm not the best mother.  I fail miserably some days and succeed greatly on others but I love my girls and I love being a mom.  I have realized that I probably cherish being a mom so much because I missed out on having my own mom around. 

So, for those of you that are not motherless mothers like me, I hope you will step back and truly look into the heart of your mother-daughter relationship.  Look for the little things that bind you to her, the similarities, the quirks.  Look at the accomplishments you've achieved that you know are a direct result of your mother's supporting hand.  Then, love her with everything you have because you never know when you will be a motherless mother like me.

Note:  The scrapbook layout above shows only one of three or so photos I have of me and my mom, just us, together.  Be sure to take photos of you and your mom.  Take them even if you are having a bad hair day or you feel fat or you don't have make-up on.  Take them because someday you will want those photos, you will want to be reminded of your relationship with her.


Nichole Potter said...

Wow, thank your for that. I really needed to hear it. I also wanted to tell you that I somehow stumbled across your blog and I love your crafts! Can I be like you someday? Thanks for your great postings! :)

Meshell said...

I too am a motherless mother. I know exactly how you feel. God Bless you for sharing the story that I needed to hear.

Chini said...

I remember saying I'm never going to be like my mom...but I am. And I proud of it. I am a strong, independent, creative thinker and I have her to thank for it!

Deedles said...

My mother is gone also but never forgotten. She made me who I am and I will cherish her always.

Ginny said...

This is my first year without my mom to celebrate Mother's Day...thank you for you sweet words.

SherriBenson1 said...

Oh thank you for your post. I'm one of those who has a Mother but while I was growing up and tossed from house to house my Mother was not there.

Fast forward to a young women with girls of her own in her 20's. My Mom all of a sudden needed me. Through the grace and mercy of God I was able to forgive.

She is 82 got save this last year. Now we are experiencing a great relationship.

Janiece said...

I, like you get so upset when I see someone being disrespectful to their mom, I have said or other times wanted to say...TRADE YA
I agree, I have very few pictures of my mom and I. I am trying to have more pictures with my family, though I am very uncomfortable about having pictures taken of me.

Eileen said...

My mom was around until I was in my fifties and I still feel like she and I have been cheated of time together and things she'd have loved about my children and grandchildren. I like yourcidea about pictures, but want to add journals or letters, etc. As a friend who lost her mom early said she only has a few lines written by her mom and treasures those as you do your pictures! Great post!

MaryRuth said...

amy I loved your post... it really touched me. and I love your layout.

Your girls are so lucky to have you... you're an amazing mom!