On this day, eighteen years ago, my life changed in ways I could never plan for, or expect. Actually, in truth, it started to change eighteen years and 10 months ago.
Way back in the early fall of 1996 I woke from a dream and knew things would be different from that point on.
My dreams, the ones that I feel the most peace in, have always been a form of spiritual insight for me. I'm not sure why I have them.
Are they messages from a higher power? Maybe.
Are they my own inner dialogue and thought processes presenting themselves in a way I better understand? Maybe.
Maybe it's both.
Regardless of the reasons or how you make sense of it, I just know that through out my life I have had a handful of dreams that were more than just dreams. This was one of those times.
(Please know, I don't take sharing this experience lightly, it is near and dear to my heart and my faith. However, today I've felt the push to share.)
In my dream Mr. K and I were on an airplane. We were flying parallel to a mountain range and we were clearly preparing for landing in a large field. We knew we were landing, we were buckling back up and settling in. Just then the pilot came over the intercom and made the landing statement "we are preparing to land, all passengers please return to your seats".
In unison, Mr. K and I turned around to look down the aisle, which was now on a steep slope due to the plane's descent, and we said "Marinne, come here." We were speaking to a cute little blonde girl who was about three years old. She was happily bouncing down the aisle towards us.
Shortly after this dream Mr. K and I attended a session in the Salt Lake temple (The most sacred place of worship for my faith) and I had another very moving and similar experience, it wasn't a dream and is too sacred to share details but it was a very direct message and I felt it through every piece of my being. It was undeniable. I was being prepared to be a mom.
A few weeks later we found out we were expecting our first child.
Over the years since, I have had many more similar experiences concerning, and involving, her. How grateful I am for them as they have helped give me insight and direction as we have traveled through our relationship together. She is a special kid and there is greatness in her quiet ways.
Natalie Merchant, one of my favorite singers, has a song called Wonder. I had it on repeat during my pregnancy because I felt it explained so well my thoughts and feelings about this child I was about to have. Some of the lyrics are:
O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way.
Today, as she turns 18 and is gearing up for her first year of independence, I'm reminded of how blessed I have been to have these experiences and to be called her mom. She is my Wonder and I have no doubt,
"She'll make her way".
Also, specifically for you Miss M, A few months ago I asked my friends on Facebook to describe you in 3 words. I was working on a project for your graduation that never came to fruition. However, on your birthday, I can't help but think of a better way to honor you than by sharing the descriptive words people shared with me. You are loved and respected more than you know.
Kind, Smiling, Artistic, Quietly Confident, Honorable, Sweet, Talented, Thoughtful, Hard-working, Radiant, Loving, Serene, Classy, Pure, Compassionate, Graceful, Lovely, Brave, Poised, Responsible, Gracious, Quirky, Artsy, Gifted, Wholesome, Virtuous, Loyal, Happy, Thoughtful, Level Headed, Joyful, Full of Light, Beautiful, Inspiring, Trustworthy, Confident, Genuine, "The best ever!", Smart, a Cutie, Wise, Loves Deeply, a Good Friend, Encouraging, Respectful
And since I'm your mom I will add "A Good Judge of Character, Goal-oriented, and Intuitive."
Happy Birthday, Miss M!
Great things are in store for you.